Online Romance Scams: Identify Red Flags and Protect Your Finances

In the interconnected world of today, falling in love online has become both common and dangerously deceptive. Romance scams—also known as love scams or online dating fraud—are fraudulent schemes in which scammers pose as love interests to manipulate victims emotionally, gain their trust, and eventually steal money.

⚠️ These scams take root across platforms: dating apps, Facebook, Instagram, online games, and even professional networking sites. What begins as an innocent conversation often turns into a calculated exploitation of trust.

The problem has surged dramatically. According to the FTC, romance scams accounted for more than $547 million in reported losses in 2021, an 80% rise from the previous year. This number likely underrepresents the actual scale, as many victims, especially older individuals, are too ashamed or traumatized to report.

Real stories expose the gravity of these schemes. Beth Highland, a recently divorced woman, was swept into a scam that cost her over $26,000 in cryptocurrency. In a more tragic case, April Helms’ mother lost everything—her home, car, and life savings—after being manipulated by a scammer she believed was her soulmate.

How widespread is the problem, and what is being done about it?

Romance scams have become one of the fastest-growing types of cyber fraud globally. In 2021 alone, U.S. victims reported over $547 million in losses—an 80% increase from the year before, according to the FTC. Cryptocurrency was the most expensive form of payment, while gift cards remained the most common.

Experts believe the true cost is even higher, as many cases go unreported. Governments are beginning to take action. In the United States, a bipartisan bill is under discussion that would require dating apps and social media companies to notify users when they interact with accounts flagged for fraud.

There is growing pressure on platforms to improve fraud detection, transparency, and user protections. However, critics argue that many tech companies are still not doing enough. The rise of AI-generated content, including fake videos and voice messages, has made it harder to spot scams. Despite these challenges, awareness is growing.

Campaigns, survivor stories, and new legislation are slowly reshaping the fight against romance scamming, offering hope that future users will be better informed and less vulnerable.

State-by-State Breakdown of Romance Scam Reports and Financial Impact in the U.S. – 2024

Alabama	746	4,165,352	14.45
Alaska	188	3,187,529	25.47
Arizona	2,127	28,641,192	28.05
Arkansas	499	3,271,589	16.15
California	6,687	104,755,218	16.96
Colorado	1,301	11,227,403	21.84
Connecticut	580	6,925,250	15.79
Delaware	210	1,615,105	19.95
District of Columbia	192	928,602	27.34
Florida	4,447	64,470,955	19.03
Georgia	1,740	21,051,621	15.56
Hawaii	288	3,365,383	19.95
Idaho	362	8,414,751	18.10
Illinois	1,897	22,444,525	14.93
Indiana	1,151	9,664,928	16.63
Iowa	430	3,745,719	13.27
Kansas	473	5,352,742	15.92
Kentucky	616	3,476,302	13.41
Louisiana	609	6,062,043	13.25
Maine	255	2,783,767	18.13

Inside the Playbook: How Romance Scammers Operate

Romance scammers often begin by building a web of deception, starting with fake profiles that appear charming, exotic, or emotionally vulnerable. These profiles frequently feature stolen images—often pulled from modeling sites or social media influencers—and are designed to evoke sympathy or curiosity.

Some use blurry photos or profiles with limited activity to appear more “authentic” and harder to trace. The scammer’s goal is to quickly establish intimacy and remove skepticism.

Once initial contact is made, scammers intensify their efforts by “lovebombing” the target. This psychological tactic involves frequent messages, professions of love, and constant attention. It creates a fast-moving emotional bond, which can feel exhilarating but is entirely fabricated.

Many scammers spend weeks—or even months—nurturing these relationships, pretending to be military personnel, engineers abroad, or humanitarian workers in conflict zones. They often try to move communication off dating platforms, where scam detection tools exist, and instead switch to apps like WhatsApp, Google Hangouts, or Line, where they’re harder to monitor.

⚠️ The final act of the scam comes when they ask for money. It typically starts with a manufactured emergency: they’re stranded in another country, their child needs surgery, or they need help paying customs fees. By this point, the victim is emotionally invested and often willing to help out—at least the first time.

The Lies Behind the Curtain: Common Scammer Stories

Scammers carefully craft their narratives to manipulate trust. One common scenario involves a fabricated emergency—like a car accident or a medical procedure—used to justify a sudden need for cash. These stories are delivered with urgency, and the scammer often pleads that there’s no one else they can rely on. Another frequent excuse involves visa issues, passport delays, or customs detainment, which the scammer claims prevents them from visiting the victim in person.

Some scammers shift gears and turn to investment fraud, especially within the cryptocurrency space. They suggest buying Bitcoin or joining an “opportunity” that supposedly brought them wealth.

Once the victim joins, they’re guided through a rigged platform that shows fake profits—until the money disappears. A newer trend, particularly prevalent in Instagram romance scams, involves convincing victims to download shady trading apps or give access to their wallet.

⚠️ In more elaborate cons, scammers send forged checks to the victim, asking them to deposit it and forward a portion of the funds back—leaving the victim legally and financially exposed once the check bounces.

Stories vary, but they all rely on trust, secrecy, and emotional manipulation. The scammer often claims to be unavailable for a video call, blaming broken cameras, poor signal, or “security restrictions” from their job. Whether they’re pretending to be on an oil rig, deployed overseas, or working for the United Nations, the goal is the same: avoid face-to-face contact while drawing the victim deeper into the scam.

Recognizing the Signs: How to Identify a Romance Scammer

Romance scammers follow consistent patterns, and identifying them early can prevent emotional and financial damage. One of the earliest red flags is the pace of the relationship. Scammers often express love or deep emotional interest unusually fast—sometimes within days of first contact. They are skilled at mirroring the victim’s emotional tone, making their affection feel genuine.

Another sign is a refusal to meet or video chat. While this was once an easy giveaway, the rise of AI-generated video and deepfakes is complicating things. Scammers are beginning to create video appearances using avatars or manipulated content. However, consistent excuses—such as being overseas, having a broken phone, or working in secure zones—should always be treated with suspicion.

Most crucially, any request for money, especially early in a relationship, is a major red flag. Victims are typically asked to send funds via irreversible methods like wire transfers, prepaid gift cards, or crypto wallets. Some scammers even provide bank account numbers or request access to personal financial apps. According to the FBI’s 2024 bulletin, these types of transactions are rarely recoverable.

Scammers often isolate their victims by encouraging secrecy. They might discourage discussing the relationship with friends or family, claiming that others will “misunderstand” or “judge.” Over time, they may escalate to threats or guilt-tripping—especially if the victim questions their identity or hesitates to send more money.

Staying Safe: Practical Ways to Protect Yourself Online

The first and most important rule in any online relationship is never send money to someone you haven’t met in person. No matter how convincing the story, scammers rely on the emotional weight of love to override common sense. Taking things slowly can help you spot inconsistencies in their story. If someone’s words and online presence don’t align, or if they avoid simple questions about their life, it’s a warning.

Reverse image search tools like Google Images and TinEye are invaluable. Uploading a scammer’s profile picture may reveal that it’s been used elsewhere under a different name, or appears in scam warning databases. This alone has saved countless victims from further exploitation.

⚠️ Keep conversations on the original platform for as long as possible. Dating apps and websites often have fraud detection features and data protection policies. Moving to WhatsApp or Telegram too quickly makes it harder to get help if things go wrong.

Always consult with someone you trust before committing emotionally or financially. Victims who shared their experiences early often received intervention before losses became catastrophic. In today’s world, it’s not only about love—it’s about digital literacy and emotional awareness.

If You’ve Been Scammed: How to Respond and Recover

Discovering you’ve been scammed can be devastating, but immediate action can help limit the damage. The first step is to contact your bank or financial provider and request a halt or reversal of any transactions. While not always possible, acting quickly increases the chances of recovery.

Next, change the passwords of any account that may have been accessed or discussed with the scammer—including email, online banking, and e-commerce platforms. This can help prevent further infiltration or identity theft.

It’s also important to report the crime to the appropriate authorities. In the U.S., victims can file a report through the FTC’s official fraud portal. Victims outside the U.S. can report to regional bodies such as Scamwatch in Australia or Action Fraud in the UK. Additionally, victims should notify the platform where the relationship started—many dating apps are actively working to flag and remove scam accounts.

Beyond the financial recovery, emotional healing is critical. Victim support organizations such as IDCARE in Australia and Cyber Civil Rights Initiative in the U.S. provide counseling and recovery planning. Some financial advisors are also trained in scam trauma, like the one who helped Beth Highland after her ordeal.

Real Victims, Real Stories: The Human Cost of Romance Scamming

Behind every statistic is a real person, often dealing with the emotional wreckage long after the scam ends. Beth Highland believed she had found love during a vulnerable time. Encouraged by warm messages, voice calls, and promises of a future together, she sent over $26,000 in Bitcoin. When she finally realized the truth, she described the experience as both humiliating and shattering.

In another haunting case, April Helms’ mother ignored warnings from family, even after they showed her that the scammer’s photo appeared in reverse image searches. Driven by emotional dependence and a belief in the relationship, she continued to send money—eventually losing her home and health. According to April, “It was like watching someone disappear in slow motion.”

These are not isolated cases. As AARP’s 2023 Romance Scam Report reveals, many victims develop long-term depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Families also struggle with feelings of guilt and helplessness, especially when their interventions are ignored.

The Fight Against Romance Scams: Policy, Technology, and Hope

Efforts to stop romance scammers are gaining momentum. U.S. lawmakers are pushing legislation that would require dating apps to notify users if they’ve communicated with accounts previously flagged for fraud. Government agencies are also releasing targeted warnings, particularly to seniors and vulnerable adults.

However, challenges remain. Many platforms—especially social media companies—have been accused of failing to act quickly or effectively. Critics argue that profit incentives override safety concerns, and that platforms need stronger identity verification and fraud detection tools.

⚠️ The rise of AI poses a new threat, making it easier for scammers to clone voices, simulate video chats, and build sophisticated fake personas. As these tools become more accessible, traditional red flags—like refusing to video chat—may no longer apply.

Despite this, growing awareness, public education, and victim advocacy are showing results. Online communities are sharing red flags, tools are being developed to flag suspicious behavior, and survivor stories are breaking the stigma. The more we expose romance scams, the harder it becomes for fraudsters to operate in silence.